A Few Thoughts on Self-Love

The first photo of myself I can remember loving, double chin and all.   

June is the first month is the first I've been home from college in quite a while, and as such I've had a great deal more time alone with my thoughts than I usually do (the other day I was so overwhelmed by my wandering mind that I quite literally burst into tears... more on this another time). I'd say I live pretty much entirely inside my head, and if I don't communicate my thoughts and feelings it can all get to be a little much. Sometimes I'll be on the train, or watching a YouTube video, or reading a novel, when a thought crosses my mind and I just need to write about it in some way or I think I might explode. So I thought I'd share some of that here, just fragments of what I've been thinking.

This month I've been thinking a lot about self-love: what informs self-love, what promotes it, how it functions in today's society. I've read a number of articles with varying titles: 20 Ways to Practice Self-Love and the like. It seems that mass media wants women to exist in a self-perpetuating identity crisis. We're told to love ourselves, and then bombarded with messages of what we should eat, wear, buy and strive to be (very rarely should we strive to be ourselves, according to the articles I've seen). That said, I had the sudden realization earlier this year that without trying or even really thinking much about it, I found myself very much a promoter of self-love and respect, because I honestly do love myself, and I don't think it's nearly as challenging as mainstream women's magazines want us to believe.

In my experience, no guide to self-love will ever be effective. It's as simple as it sounds, really: the key to loving yourself is just to love yourself... and everything that it encompasses. There are no steps to take. It's as simple or as complicated as you want to make it. Love the best bits, love the imperfections, love the parts of yourself that you're working on, love the fact that you are trying and love that you will keep trying no matter what. Love everything that you are, always. If you're struggling with body positivity, just remind yourself that your body is capable of climbing mountains and carrying you through your life. Start right now, and never stop. Swap negativity for love, and don't look back. Don't ever become angry with yourself, don't regret decisions that you consciously made, and don't compare yourself to others because this only leads to toxic downward spirals.

One harsh truth I've learned, and I'm glad I've learned it early in life: you need to look out for yourself, because sometimes you're the only one who is. While it is important to surround yourself with positive people who promote self-love, it needs to come from within first.

Once you make this commitment, the opinions of others seem to pale in comparison to how you feel about yourself. On days when getting out of bed and putting two feet on the floor seems like a daunting task, remember that it was you that made it through every tough day you've ever had before. Love and embrace that. Love the courage it takes to keep moving when things are hard, but also love the courage it takes to speak up and say "I'm not okay and I need some help." In my experience, that's the hardest part of all. And that's when self-love is most important.

On a wider scale, I think that accepting everything that you are has hugely positive effects on the people around you, and every interaction you will have for the rest of your life. If you're comfortable in your own skin, and you're comfortable making mistakes and even embracing them, then others around you are more likely to be as well. That's some of the most positive change you can promote, and it all starts with you.

Easy Ways to Clear Your Mind

"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

As a college student with a crazy schedule most of the time, I often get overwhelmed by my to-do list and the day ahead of me, and sometimes this means I don't enjoy each day as much as I would like to. While I'm at school, I establish a morning routine that puts me in the right headspace for the day, and there are a few things I do throughout the day to keep up this positive energy. Sometimes, though, it can all get to be a bit too much, and then I have a few things that I do to clear my head when I really need the clarity.

Simplify your tech routine

This is a tough one for me, always. I'm pretty obsessed with social media, and generally browsing my favorite online stores until the early hours of the morning. I find that there are a few things I can do to help manage the time I spend in front of a screen each day.

1. Close all of your internet tabs except for the one that you're using right now. This is hard, I'm such a tab hoarder. But this way I feel like I'm just doing one thing on my computer and don't feel the need to spend hours sorting through the tabs.
2. Delete negative people, and people you don't know, from your social networks. My Facebook feed is so often filled up with people I don't know or value in my life, and it is so much nicer to just open FB up and see news about people you really care about.
3. Set limits. Obviously when it's midterms or finals week, I'm on my laptop almost all evening, researching and writing away. When I don't have a lot of work to do, though, I much prefer putting the laptop away once I've done everything I need to, and picking up a book, going for a walk, or calling a friend to hang out. Generally I aim to spend only a couple of hours on my laptop (not including schoolwork), but this number is totally up to you and whatever suits your lifestyle.

Physical cleansing = mental clarity

In my opinion, these are some of the quickest ways to clear your head if you're feeling overwhelmed. Simply having a cleaner space around you works wonders on your mental state.

1. Tidy your desk/room and make sure to throw a few things away in the process. This is always what I do if I've had a long, exhausting day and need to clear my head. Just making space at my desk or tidying my room makes me feel worlds better, and throwing things away is one of my favorite things ever (I hope I'm not alone in that). While you clean, I find it really helps to open the windows and get some fresh air in!
2. Brush your teeth, wash your face, or just take a shower. When it's been a long day, sometimes I just need a minute or two standing under warm running water. It is so comforting and cleansing on a physical level that always translates to some peace of mind. 
3. Go for a run or walk. When I have time, I love getting some fresh air and exercise in the morning, and find this energizes me for the day and increases my focus for the whole day. Even just walking the dog around the block or doing a few simple stretches can also make a huge difference.

Take care of yourself

Without a doubt, I always feel more focused and happy when I am taking good care of myself (both physically and mentally). I think these things can make a world of difference if you're needing some clarity.

1. Prepare a healthy, colorful, tasty meal for yourself. I love a warm bowl of pasta with fresh pesto and veggies, or a veggie curry, something that's wholesome and comforting but will also make me feel worlds better.
2. Drink lots of water. There are equations that help you calculate how much you need, I tend to aim for a good two liters every day, and I always feel a little sluggish if I'm dehydrated. It makes such a huge difference!
3. Take a break! Make sure to leave yourself time, whether in the morning or evening, to relax and take a deep breath. I love reading for an hour before I go to sleep, or watching a couple episodes of something on Netflix. Even just cuddling my cat! Anything you can do to take a break from the stresses of everyday life will help clear your mind for the next day.

I hope this is helpful for you! Let me know what you do to stay calm and clear your mind when things all get to be a little bit much.

x B

Tuesday Inspiration: R.W. Emerson & Big Star

Taken on a road trip through Washington in 2013.

This week has been one of those where I want nothing more than to crawl into bed, tuck myself under the covers, and sleep for days. The weather is getting colder, the trees are losing their leaves, and I find myself losing motivation and just wanting to escape from the world for a while. Unfortunately, November is when school gets busy, and before I know it, it will be time for finals and lots of paper writing, so I need to stay focused! Today's inspiration comes courtesy of the great Ralph Waldo Emerson, and this quote has helped me out recently when I feel daunted by all the work I need to do, and don't feel like I'm good enough to get everything done.

What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when we bring what is within us out into the world, miracles happen.

If you feel like you're losing motivation, please keep these words in mind! You are capable of anything you set your mind do, and you can do amazing things, I believe it!

As well as this quote, I've been loving this song lately, and it is really good at making me feel calm when I get stressed out. Would recommend!

Hope all is well with you, wherever you are in the big wide world.

x B