My PCOS Story: All About Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

"Live less out of habit and more out of intent."

I've been putting off writing this post for a long while, mostly out of fear that someone I know will read it (which retrospectively is really not a big deal, since I'm usually quite open about having PCOS). Despite being generally open with my loved ones about my PCOS and body image struggles, it is a touchy subject for me. That said, I feel it's important to address these issues as a vent for myself and hopefully something that others can relate to. A note first, though: everything I discuss here is unique to my experiences with PCOS, and other women dealing with it will have variations on this experience. So I'm not making generalizations, I'm just explaining as best I can the way that it has impacted my life and how I have dealt with it. I'd also mention how fortunate I've been to have a wonderful doctor who diagnosed me so early in my life, as well as a fantastic support system of incredible people who lift me up and help me get through the tough times that come with PCOS and life in general.

I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome in 2013, when I was fifteen years old. Here is a good link to more information about the condition, to summarize, PCOS affects around 10-15% of women, and the variety of symptoms affect everyone differently.

WHAT WERE MY SYMPTOMS?

• Ovarian cysts: I had an ultrasound shortly before my diagnosis, which revealed cysts on both of my ovaries. The risk with cysts is that they can rupture, which leaves scarring on the ovaries, which in turn can lead to infertility. I've experienced a number of cyst ruptures, and can say with certainty that it is a horribly painful experience. 
• Irregular periods: I had my first at age fourteen and didn't get the next for almost a year. I've been on the pill since I was sixteen, which means that I now get a period most months *cheer!!*
• Hirsutism (excessive hair growth): this is different for everyone and while mine isn't too severe, I find myself plucking a chin or nose hair from time-to-time.
• Acne: I'm turning 21 this year and still deal with regular bouts of inflammation on my face.
• Chronic fatigue: since my diagnosis, I've had two iron infusions and still haven't been able to get my energy levels back to the way they were five years ago. I often lie awake for hours at night, which as a busy college student (or anyone, for that matter) is a total pain.
• Mood changes: I'm thankful that this hasn't been a huge symptom, but I've struggled quite a bit with anxiety in the last year or so in particular.
• Weight gain: this is the big one for me. Women with PCOS typically have two major issues affecting weight: higher levels of male hormones, and insulin resistance. Let me tell you, insulin resistance is a pain in my ass. It puts me at greater risk of diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, obesity, breast cancer, and high cholesterol (which I do have and will expand on further below).

LIVING WITH PCOS

The big take-away when I was diagnosed was losing weight will help alleviate all of the other symptoms. Everything is linked. But for me, weight management has always been the hardest part of PCOS. As a child I dealt with an illness that left me bedridden and out of school for months, and I ended up severely underweight and unhealthy. I gained the weight back in time, and as I entered high school my weight kept creeping up, despite the fact that I was playing various sports 3-4 days every week. When I was seventeen I saw a dietician for a year and managed to lose 20 lbs.

As I finished high school and headed off to college, the sports finished, but my late-night snacking habits did not finish with them. For the first two years, I put my health on the back-burner and gradually gained a lot more than just the 'standard' fifteen pounds that comes with dorm life.

The summer following sophomore year, I lost about 15 lbs through extra walking and consuming less sugar. Then I gained it all back again, and some more.

This is the pattern that it has tended to follow, and from what I can tell from my research, this is very common among women with PCOS. There are all sorts of diets recommended for weight loss success, but the only one I have found to be successful for myself, is a dairy-free, refined-sugar free (or light) and low-GI diet. I'd also mention that I've been a pescatarian for about 10 years, so no meat for me.

Having high cholesterol means I need to watch my saturated fats and keep them to a minimum, as well as limiting sugar intake. I cannot stress to you how hard this is for me. I have such a sweet tooth that some days it feels near impossible. The only solution I have found is sticking it out for one week, and then it gets easier. But that week is basically hell for me. I'll expand on my diet staples for balancing cholesterol and satisfying my sweet tooth below.

WHAT WORKS FOR ME THESE DAYS?
As I previously mentioned, the diet that works for me is low-GI as well as dairy-free and refined-sugar free. A few of my favourite foods to balance my cholesterol are: salmon, chia seeds (these little guys are so versatile!!), flax seeds, oats, almonds, the list goes on...

As far as low-GI goes, the biggest change for me is switching white carbs for wholegrains and complex carbohydrates. White pasta and flour do very little for you nutritionally speaking. Loading up on fibre is so key with PCOS. It balances the sugar in food, so that the energy is released more slowly and lasts longer, keeping you fuller for longer. Simple carbs, like cakes and pastries as well as white pasta, acts as a sugar burst and you'll end up feeling a crash and then you'll just be hungry again. It's a toxic cycle and I find it frustrating all. the. damn. time.

I also love to walk. I aim for 45-60 minutes every day. Sometimes this feels ridiculous and I just climb into bed at 4pm when classes finish, but it's another thing that is a great habit to have. Once you can do it for a week, it'll be much easier to do from then on out.

I also want to mention something that I feel is important to acknowledge: I have dealt with emotional eating for a good ten years or so. It can be really shitty and gets me feeling down regularly. I'll have one good day and then the next I'm feeling stressed out and deprived, so I'll stop at the store and buy everything sweet in sight. And regret it approximately five seconds after I've eaten every last morsel. I just feel that it's important to acknowledge that a journey to health and a balanced lifestyle is really tough. I've found that everyone deals with this on some level, so just be kind to yourself and treat your body with the respect it deserves. Living with PCOS is life long, so quick diets and solutions just won't work. Take your time to figure out what works for you.


THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

I'd like to end this post by sharing some of my favourite quote when it comes to fighting PCOS.
"A little progress each day adds up to big results." Some days it is so bloody hard just to make small changes, but even the tiniest change each day can amount to something wonderful over time. So take your time, find your balance, and smile big!

If you also have PCOS, I hope this post has helped you to feel that you are not alone in your struggle!

x B

Life Lately: July

I had originally thought that I would use this summer break (although winter at home...) to pick up a new hobby or two, read lots of books, visit with friends, and explore Melbourne some more. While I have managed some of that, I underestimated how tired I would be when I arrived home. While I have been reading, cooking and seeing some friends, a great deal of my time is spent on the couch or in bed, either asleep or just lying awake and trying to calm down my whirring brain and thoughts. I am enjoying myself immensely, however, and thought I'd share a little of what I've been up to here. A little itty-bitty diary if you will.

This week the weather has been grey and dreary, not ideal for getting out and about, but perfect for curling up on the sofa with a good book. So today, that's exactly what I had planned to do. I got as far as wrapping myself up like a blanket burrito, and after that I was so sleepy I never got around to opening my book. The rain was tap-tapping away on the window and the whole house was filled with a sense of tranquility. I was asleep within seconds.

The book I had planned to read is Outlander by Diana Gabaldon: a 900-page feast of a novel, and I'm nearly halfway through and loving it. I had watched the first season of Outlander on Netflix before picking up the novel, so I'm enjoying the same story again with much more detail and perspective. It really is a fantastic read and I would highly recommend it. If you love watching Game of Thrones and/or reading historical fiction, it would be right up your alley. Sometimes with a novel of that length, I can get a little bit overwhelmed by all the reading to do and end up doing nothing, which is a hopeless excuse. So I'm slowly making my way through it, and loving it. Next on my shelf is The Light Between Oceans by M. L. Stedman, but I'm also thinking about The Rosie Effect by Graeme Simsion (I adored the first Don Tillman novel). But really, who knows... I may well just re-read Jane Eyre for the umpteenth time.

The other day I was out walking, and looked up to see a beautiful leaf fall from an oak tree. Perhaps it was my mood on that particular day, or maybe I was just exhausted, but for whatever reason I started to tear up and I'm not really sure why. The rest of the day I kept thinking about how many leaves there are in the world, and how many people/lives/stories exist at once and how many of them go untold. Simultaneously scary and beautiful, I think. In my opinion the best stories are those that go untold, and often this thought is so overwhelming that I need to sit down and/or take a nap. I don't know if that's just me... I feel a little vulnerable if the world as it is can have that big an impact on me, but in a way I suppose that thinking all the time does have its downsides... what do you think?

x B

Easy Ways to Clear Your Mind

"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

As a college student with a crazy schedule most of the time, I often get overwhelmed by my to-do list and the day ahead of me, and sometimes this means I don't enjoy each day as much as I would like to. While I'm at school, I establish a morning routine that puts me in the right headspace for the day, and there are a few things I do throughout the day to keep up this positive energy. Sometimes, though, it can all get to be a bit too much, and then I have a few things that I do to clear my head when I really need the clarity.

Simplify your tech routine

This is a tough one for me, always. I'm pretty obsessed with social media, and generally browsing my favorite online stores until the early hours of the morning. I find that there are a few things I can do to help manage the time I spend in front of a screen each day.

1. Close all of your internet tabs except for the one that you're using right now. This is hard, I'm such a tab hoarder. But this way I feel like I'm just doing one thing on my computer and don't feel the need to spend hours sorting through the tabs.
2. Delete negative people, and people you don't know, from your social networks. My Facebook feed is so often filled up with people I don't know or value in my life, and it is so much nicer to just open FB up and see news about people you really care about.
3. Set limits. Obviously when it's midterms or finals week, I'm on my laptop almost all evening, researching and writing away. When I don't have a lot of work to do, though, I much prefer putting the laptop away once I've done everything I need to, and picking up a book, going for a walk, or calling a friend to hang out. Generally I aim to spend only a couple of hours on my laptop (not including schoolwork), but this number is totally up to you and whatever suits your lifestyle.

Physical cleansing = mental clarity

In my opinion, these are some of the quickest ways to clear your head if you're feeling overwhelmed. Simply having a cleaner space around you works wonders on your mental state.

1. Tidy your desk/room and make sure to throw a few things away in the process. This is always what I do if I've had a long, exhausting day and need to clear my head. Just making space at my desk or tidying my room makes me feel worlds better, and throwing things away is one of my favorite things ever (I hope I'm not alone in that). While you clean, I find it really helps to open the windows and get some fresh air in!
2. Brush your teeth, wash your face, or just take a shower. When it's been a long day, sometimes I just need a minute or two standing under warm running water. It is so comforting and cleansing on a physical level that always translates to some peace of mind. 
3. Go for a run or walk. When I have time, I love getting some fresh air and exercise in the morning, and find this energizes me for the day and increases my focus for the whole day. Even just walking the dog around the block or doing a few simple stretches can also make a huge difference.

Take care of yourself

Without a doubt, I always feel more focused and happy when I am taking good care of myself (both physically and mentally). I think these things can make a world of difference if you're needing some clarity.

1. Prepare a healthy, colorful, tasty meal for yourself. I love a warm bowl of pasta with fresh pesto and veggies, or a veggie curry, something that's wholesome and comforting but will also make me feel worlds better.
2. Drink lots of water. There are equations that help you calculate how much you need, I tend to aim for a good two liters every day, and I always feel a little sluggish if I'm dehydrated. It makes such a huge difference!
3. Take a break! Make sure to leave yourself time, whether in the morning or evening, to relax and take a deep breath. I love reading for an hour before I go to sleep, or watching a couple episodes of something on Netflix. Even just cuddling my cat! Anything you can do to take a break from the stresses of everyday life will help clear your mind for the next day.

I hope this is helpful for you! Let me know what you do to stay calm and clear your mind when things all get to be a little bit much.

x B

Curing Midweek Blues

Lately I've been making more of an effort to enjoy (or at least not detest) weekdays and all that come with them. It is so easy to fall into the mentality of I can't wait until Friday! It's totally okay to look forward to Friday and I really do most weeks, but I also think it's important to appreciate Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I'm trying not to be the kind of person that lives for the weekend. I'm working on making the most of every minute of every day.

That said, my busiest day is Tuesday and sometimes by the time I get to Tuesday evening all I want to do is curl up in bed and sleep until Saturday arrives. I wish. If you're like me and find it a struggle to stay motivated and power through the week, but also find yourself worn out by Friday afternoon, maybe these tips will help. 

• Plan! I know it sounds boring but honestly, this is what I've found to be the most helpful in getting things done and making sure I have time for myself in the evening. I keep a diary so that I know when important things are coming up. Additionally, each night I write myself a list of tasks to complete the next day. This has been a huge help this school year, and I would recommend it! I cross each task off when I finish it and somehow I can feel myself de-stress a little bit after I do.
• Put yourself first. It took me a long time to learn that no paper or homework task is as important as my mental and physical health. I'm not an all-nighter kind of girl, and I'm not going to let schoolwork stress me out to the point of physical exhaustion. I had a friend who had a literal breakdown because she worked too hard and didn't spend enough time caring for herself. So, start assignments early, to avoid late nights. And even if you feel like you need a late night, just don't stay up all night. All kinds of regret the next day.
• Exercise! I am not the best person to be dishing out this advice, but when I do make the time for a walk or a run on a weekday I feel so much better. It clears my head, makes me feel more energized, and gives me a chance to look at all the pretty trees and flowers around the neighborhood! When you get back, you'll be so much more awake and ready to tackle any challenge that comes your way!

 

An Introduction

I have a vivid memory of being four years old, returned from a friend's birthday party. I arrived home with a painted face and a wand in hand, and danced around my bedroom all afternoon because I felt beautiful and powerful and like nobody could hold me down. I was four years old and I had the most wonderful sense of self-worth (which has slowly but surely fluctuated over the last decade or so). This year I decided that I wanted to feel as beautiful, powerful and independent as that four year old did, so I set myself a list of five goals to achieve by the time I reach twenty (next year, what???) years old. 

1. Not give a shit what strangers think of you. Sure, I care what my friends think of me. This doesn't mean I'm going to change who I am or what I look like based on their opinions. I respect them but I don't always agree with them. So if my friends don't control my perception of myself, why should strangers? With this comes two 'sub-goals' to help increase my confidence: a) increased fitness; and b) increased hydration for lovely skin.
2. Read a book (for pleasure) every month. It might not seem like a challenge, but on top of all my assigned reading for school, I think I'll be busy.
3. Smile more! Smile at strangers, at cute boys, at professors, at lovely old couples walking their dogs around campus. Life's too short, spread joy wherever possible.
4. Declutter! I'll never be a minimalist (too attached to my books), but I do want to sort through my belongings before I hit the big 2-0.
5. Go vegan! I've been vegan off-and-on for the last six months, and vegetarian for six years, so this is something I hope to become more committed to.

So, anyways. That was a pretty hopeless introduction. I tried.

Basically, I'm Bec, I'm currently a sophomore at a little west-coast college and I'm originally from Melbourne, Australia.

Until next time,

B